|Two Years Later...
||[14 Aug 2007|01:22pm]
This community is a pile of rotting words that once had great potential...
Watch me Lazarus this community!!!
"my god...what does it mean when you are turned on by the sight of your own breasts in the department store mirror?"
- quote by nukietoes -
"Me, her and cowering girl should get together and touch inappropriately. That's random to you guys, but that comment makes sense to Brandon and me. W/o the lesbian 3some connotation."
- quote by notsoperky -
"During this scene, two of the characters are discussing how much they value one another as friends and Doogie Houser interupts by pointing out the window and screaming, "THAT PLACE HAS GREAT SALADS!"
- quote by heyfatass! -
"So I went to Wal-Mart this afternoon to buy "Spirited Away" on DVD. This is the Wal-Mart in Powell near where I live. It is populated by weird redneck biotches and employs a mass equivalent of Kleinfelter's syndrome."
- quote by quiv -
"Well, I'm visiting my grandparents on my father's side in Mississippi. It's weird how you appreciate the people in your life after you lose someone close to you. After losing one grandma I taking more time out with the grandparents I still have.
Right now my grandmother is shamelessly picking her nose right in front of me. She's been doing that for five minutes."
- quote by praise_elnegro -
"I wonder if the other members of the Fantastic Four just lied to Ms. Fantastic about her being invisible, just to get her to strip naked?"
- quote by suntansuperman -
"I was asked by a Dutchman how many guns I had. I told him I didn't have any, but he insisted that I did because I was an American who lived in the south and that I must be lying about it. I was so mad over being stereotyped that I shot him with my glock."
- quote by natlach -
"People get offended nowadays if you call them normal. No one wants to be called normal. Everyone wants to be special. Plain m&m’s or…..ALMOND m&m’s…….Marshall Mathers or…..EMINEM?"
- quote by birdgut -
|Baby I Gots Yo Money
||[30 Jan 2005|12:13pm]
"I would never do crack... I would never do a drug named after a part of my own ass, okay?"
My mom was Asian, academic zealot did not care about a MATH grade while my dad was almost cussing out the teacher who was not there to defend herself...I'm waiting for the fire and the devil any minute now.
*quoted from dark_miss*
I should not be allowed near WebMD. After contracting a slight sore throat last friday that progressively got worst and eventually developed into all-out sickness, I had it narrowed down to a common cold, strep, mono, or thyroid cancer.
*quoted from btau*
I have to get up at nine, but I'm putting off sleep because I'm irresponsible. Since this type [of] behavior is one of the very things that I'm attempting to change, to fix, this semester, I'd better get to bed. But not after I make some kool aid or something.
*quoted from griffoncloud
We all know that it is a sin for a Taliban male to see any woman naked
other than his wife, and that he must commit suicide if he does.
So, this Saturday at 4:00 pm all women living in South Africa are asked
to walk out of their houses, completely naked, to help weed out any
neighbourhood terrorists. Circling your block for one hour is
recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
*quoted from bia22*
oh, and my mood today is touched. that seems like a creepy mood.
*quoted from bort*
today was a pleasant day at school even though everyone insulted and threw things at me because i dont dress correctly.
*quoted from _emotionisdead
One funny thing, it was a bar and it was really crowded and a lot of people were talking and not listening and stuff, and she goes "would you all please shut the fuck up?! I can't hear anything in here!" Then she looked like she was about to start crying and said "now see what you make me do, my Papa is here and he doesn't like it when I curse on stage, but I just can't hear anything up here with all you talking. So please just shut the fuck up!"
*quoted from yojoe*
I bought a mosquito net, even though I don't have any mosquitoes in my room. It was pretty retarded.
*quoted from unbrevityness*
In all I must attribute my productive mood to today's very white trash breakfast of spam and eggs.
*quoted from boymercury*
And there you have it. I hope you enjoyed it, because I didn't. Posting in this community is rather lengthy. If a certain someone could help out once in a while. *COUGH AMBER HACK WHEEZE*
|Have a Lousy New Year!
||[01 Jan 2005|01:46pm]
Been quite awhile since I've updated this. I'm on a quick lunch break, so this post might actually be lame. You be the judge.
Or not. Enjoy!
"i'm feeling really fucking old right now. on saturday i lectured a 13 year old about safer sex and how not to get VDs!!!!! and then today i lectured a 14 year old about how to be ready for the SATs. they just kept rolling their eyes at me...and all i could think was "don't roll you eyes at me when you get VDs, knocked up, and flunked out of school"
"Church is so boring and so cultish. The priest was a total child molester. He asked one of the altar boys to come up...so he could tell an embarassing story about him...but there was no story, he was just excited because it was this kid's first mass served. Or because it's fresh meat... I don't think I am going to go to church anymore."
"The nativity scene at church last night had the creepiest looking baby Jesus I've ever seen. Which stood out because so much care went into the rest of the display (which was a lot more impressive looking than last year's). It's like at the last minute they forgot the baby Jesus so they went and bought some doll at a garage sale."
"Don't knock sex with clowns, there is something to be said for a guy whose dick honks everytime he drives it in you, and you have to love when he blows a load of confetti all over your face. Plus if you get gang banged by clowns you can get like 10 of thier dicks in you all at once... and that's just one hole."
"What a great Christmas!
The real gift was my book about surviving zombie attacks from my sister.
:B Best... gift... eveeeeeeeer.
Merry Christmas ya nerds!"
"I had many irrational and weird dreams last night:
- I met all the dead presidents, in random order. Oddly enough, we talked about the work of Toni Morrison and popcorn. I met Nixon first. He was wearing a Quaker hat.
- Linus from You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown (the one Mr. B. put on at Lake Gibson) had transferred to our school and I was his student guide (WTF?). We also talked about Toni Morrison and popcorn.
My brain constantly amazes me. Not always in a good way."
"ok so o yah i forgot, zack's nipple broke one of my noise maker thingys. it was like a clapper thingy like a hand thing and cresha went up to zack and put it to his nipple and made it clap and i guess zakc had nips of steel cuz he made it all stupid. hmmmmmmmmmmm nipples."
That's it. I have to head back. >:-(
||[03 Oct 2004|02:30pm]
"...then four of us decided to stay so we went to sit at the bar and this old lady bartender refused to serve us and said she saw our tab and that she didnt feel comfortable serving us anymore. But, there were EIGHT of us, and we ordered food as well as drinks, so the entire bill wasnt alcohol... and the owner goes, well, you guys had those martini's and thats 7oz of alcohol and Heather goes, we didn't drink the watermelon martini's the others that already left did, ... except Heather was holding a damn martini glass in her hand.... umm... no go."
"I was talking to a Jordanian today. He was telling me about how, in Jordan, if you insult/curse at a person's mother or the King of Jordan, then the man whose honor was cursed/insulted will kill you. We then proceeded to insult his mother and then his King. Thankfully, this Jordanian is rather progressive and here I am, still alive."
"...and she proseed to vandiliz her own car with the window chalk writing things like "my name is mandi" and "my car is a jew" which lauren changed to "jewel" in order to remain politically correct."
"In 2-3 months, I will be getting on a plane and moving to Turin. And I can't wait. I've had at least 2 females tell me i should get some goodbye sex. Funny how neither one was willing..."
"We just happened to take the booth next to a cabal of traveling psychics. What is it about psychic abilities that makes the women who posess them obese?...More interesting, though, was Carl from Brooklyn...I offered him my right hand...telling me, essentially, that I will have to decide my own fate with one crucial decision (watch out, civilization!), that I might die young, and that for a more accurate reading, he'd have to see my cock. The veins of the penis, he assured me, can say much more than the veins of the hand, though I'm certain that mine keep no secrets from eachother."
"Note to self...If you cannot find stamps, walking around your apartment yelling "Stamps? Stamps? Where are you stamps?" will not make stamps magically appear."
"i applied for a job today....i didnt get it that racist biotch. she didt say anything racist but i could tell she was thinking it right biotch lyke i cant wurk at bizank one cuz i only worked at mc donaldz all my life OKAY i got me an edumacazion i got me trailor shit i got 5 kidz to support since all 3 of their daddyz left i evens gone went and done my nailz! fo sho!
damn mothafuckin honkey cracker hoe
i showd her! oh yessum i did i went out and keyd that crackas car and waited for her white ass after work thats right i ran that bitch over with my bike..."
"After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.
A nephew who arrived late came running up to Grandma and said, "Hi Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew, "They won't let me fart.""
|The Pleasures of A Tipped Cow
||[18 Sep 2004|03:05pm]
PROBLEM: Two books are for sale. Which to buy ?
"Titanic" or "My Life"by Bill Clinton ?
Titanic: The story of Jack and Rose, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Clinton: The story of Bill and Monica, their forbidden love, and subsequent catastrophe.
Titanic: During ordeal, Rose's dress gets ruined
Clinton: Ditto for Monica
Titanic: Jack teaches Rose to spit
Clinton: . . Let's not go there
Titanic: Rose goes down on a vessel full of seamen
Clinton: Monica . . . . ooh, let's not go there, either
Titanic: Jack surrenders to an icy death
Clinton: Bill goes home to Hilary . . . . basically the same thing
*quoted from adman*
The Peter White Lounge is a very large room with very large windows (floor to ceiling) and many comfortable chairs. It was really quiet, until this girl's phone rang, and now she's talking on it loudly and saying "sad." every four seconds. I'm going to go and break her laptop over her head, and then yell "LOOK WHAT YOU MADE ME DO TO YOU. NOW WHAT'S SAD?"
*quoted from [Bad username: griffoncloud</i]*
I was thinking how it would be like if I went to a private all girls school. Around female teachers and female students, the students will let their guards down and be relaxed. Of course, around the male faculty they will sit properly. Around females though, me to be more exact, they will sit most comfortably meaning legs open, weird open positions, doesn't care if their skirt goes up(it is a private school). Every school has got to have at least 1 Britney Spears.
*quoted from bunnyundies*
This hurricane is pissing me off. It's current attitude: "I'm just gonna sit out here in the Atlantic, piss all of Florida off, perhaps gain strength, then hit you all." Such a jerk of a hurricane. Just hit if you're gonna hit! GRR!...
*quoted from sporadic_karma*
I was immediatly transported to a tiny resturaunt/gasstation out side of oaklahoma.. everyone had an accent and i swore i had more teeth in my mouth than the 45 people did put together...
*quoted from darkolumb*
A music teacher was talking about me behind my back and called me an anal retentive punk rocker becuase i have buttons in straight rows on my bag. My goal in high school is accomplished.
*quoted from awalkingeulogy*